Grief and Loss
I know it seems strange for a Real Estate agent to be talking about grief and loss, but buying and selling real estate is a very emotional process for many people. When we think about the homes where our parents lived and we grew up, many of us have strong emotional ties to the places we called home. Our family memories are housed in the walls that kept us safe through storms or that opened to family and friends for both hard times and celebrations. The rooms in our homes welcome home new babies and say goodbye to ailing grandparents.
There are times when it becomes necessary to part with Real Estate because of loss of a family member or divorce. Even moving for happy reasons can invoke feelings of grief and loss for some.
In modern psychology there are several stages of grief that are usually applied to the loss of a loved one, but are often found in people going through divorce or those who are feeling struggling with the loss of their friends and family because of a move far away.
1) SHOCK & DENIAL
2) PAIN & GUILT
3) ANGER & BARGAINING
4) "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS
5) THE UPWARD TURN
6) RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH
7) ACCEPTANCE & HOPE
The Reality is that very few people go through these stages in a neat linear fashion, some people will skip steps and most will bounce between stages throughout the grieving process, and anniversaries or family gatherings can trigger these stages at any time.
When it comes time to settling affairs after death or divorce it is important to find someone who can hold your hand through the emotional process, especially if you are the one settling affairs and are still struggling with the loss yourself. Finding a Real Estate professional who has good "soft" skills can be very important through this process. You want someone who can be sensitive to your emotions yet can be the one who is impartial and help with the pragmatic decision making. It is important that you find someone who is trustworthy, and is going to help guide you through an emotionally difficult process.
When interviewing Real Estate agents to help with settling an estate or a divorce it is important to carefully select an agent.
- Ask them questions about their experience handling estates. Estates and divorces are sometimes unique real estate transactions and can be a little messy, make sure your agent understands this.
- This may not be the best time to use a relative or a close friend. Sometimes during divorces and death there are multiple parties involved that don't necessarily agree, these are the times when hiring someone impartial might be best. If you are worried about hurting your friend's feelings tell them that you need someone impartial and ask them if they can refer you to a good agent. They will get a referral fee and this can eliminate potentially hurt feelings.
- Talk to the agent and tell them what is going on, let them know if you are struggling emotionally and ask them if they are comfortable with that. Some agents will be very forthcoming and tell you that maybe they are not a good fit for you, maybe they know someone who is better at working with challenging relatives or difficult divorces than they are.
- Ask the agent how they are going to help you sell the property what is their marketing plan, what is the strategy that works for your family?
- The agent should be able to give you advice on how to best prepare the home for sale, and what paperwork you will need to complete the sale. The agent should have resources for estate sale companies or people who will remove unwanted belongings from homes, they will advise you of any repairs that might improve the condition of the home before going to market. These are often difficult decisions to make while grieving, some agents will help guide you through all of your choices and help facilitate any work to be done.
This is an emotional time and finding a Real Estate professional who understands that will be very helpful in settling your affairs. If you have questions, need resources, or if there is anything at all that I can help you with, please don't hesitate to contact me, I am happy to help.
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